A perception on a shallow line ~!

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"Its been a long while since I felt this way,again! Today, I dont know what I am expressing, but I am doing it anyway. I know things are different now, I know thats the truth. I know that I am missing it, and I dont know if that is the truth! I think, I am thinking too much, and thats the price of that too. I know I am hurt, cause I feel that too. What I dont know? if someone out there is thinking of me too ! " 

December 2007
I ve been always sorry, consumed inside my regrets and sorrow. Repenting the times I ve stood for myself, or maybe acted out of my characters,cause i was taught to always be the good girl, the good student, the good citizen, the good woman, everything should be good to be blessed. I was never taught to be myself~
I remember, when I was a little kid, I had a ravenous character to be a rebel. I shouted and screamed, and acted outside my zone of comfort. But instead of nurturing that, i was inversed to be the opposite. I think, this is how we raise our children, to be inside, to be within, to be the good, to be the nice, to be the right...
And I think, I lived from then, a complex character.  I find difficulty to find myself between any contradiction. We seek the truth, and speak it and expect it alot? But what if, people is not as honest as you! what if you thought is right can be wrong, what if no one loved you, what if you are meant to be alone, what if life is not perfect, what if life is not what you expect, what if love is not ever ending, what if your lover will leave you>? and there is alot of what

I stood with a blank stare, a cold feet and heart! I stood with no emotions ..!!!
And I think, I ve been thinking alot. To choose between myself and  others, is quite consuming! is quite hurting, is quite everything that will drain you, and leave nothing at all!
The reality, resides inside you. When you are ready to face the truth, you are ready to live your life full fledge- with no regrets, worries, fear, or even depression. When you are quite ready to be consumed to the fullest by life's contradiction- when you are quite ready to be yourself, to be contained, instead of skeptic. To be brave, instead of worrisome. To be everything facing nothing!
To be wrong, is not the end, to be alone is either!
Remember, when you try your best to be at the top, you fail to do so...
Remember to unload your own burden by expecting everything, cause thats what happiness is all about. When you restrict happiness on certain boundaries you fail to experience it!!
And remember  to be grateful, cause abundance happens only when you are thankful!
Happy seasons, everyone !


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