Secretcorner81

    To the world I share my second half, I ve fallen from the lines. I guess, I wasnt prepared enough to deal with so many dilemmas. I was a fume of burned ashes. Wasting my time in wishful thoughts.Hoping  for miracles to happen in my life. Things I ve waited for decades to come, but never did. I ve missed you. Maybe, I was in chaotic rhythm - looking up for some mercy, and neglecting you. You are so dear to me, when I fail to declare or even write back.       To the rest of the world, I scream with pride. I ve got no fear to show off my broken wings. To you I declare myself. I have no fear to have you in my life. Things I ve never shared ot even said. I have no fear to say out loud that you are my only half to happiness, love, and peace. You are the one to me, as I am to you. I know I am not whole, but when I feel you at the other end happy and fine I find myself again. It might be not evident enough...

"  you will not, and so am I " She screamed arrogantly. She wasn't aware she was falling endlessly in an endless pit of dark emotions. Emotions she kept aside for so many years. She wasn't aware she was dying from a dangerous venom. A venom of no cure or solution. She wasn't also aware  she was out of breath. What she was aware of, she stood waiting for something that hasn't come, and was not sure if it will arrive or not~   -----   A life with no hope is no life " she was thinking loud, as she brushed the dust from the book corner. She always made sure she sweeped the floor meticulously. Things she used to enjoy whenever she had her OCD attack. Things she used to repeat to sooth her burning mind.   ----   She lost all contact, even  her closed ones. People she used to keep dear to her herart. People she used to remember, but all she got is no contact. She flipped her phone book endlessly, waiting for her ph...

I find some difficulty confonting my feelings. I could be shy, not brave enough or buried inside my shell. Confronting yourself could be menacing, if you've ever tried to battle down your own truth. To unveil the truth behind our behavior could be a life time lesson. Many of us, bury their heads, and without any knowledge we loose the sight... " Just a feeling- was not just a description to a temporary state"   It is the truth behind every action taken, every behavior demonstrated. I dont know, if I am only battling those feeling, or they keep showing themselves infront of me. I fail sometimes to interrelate the coincidence , though the signs look all the same but with different labels. To confront is to understand yourself, tackle those shortfall, and promise to overcome the next time. Though you will find yourself repeating the same again and again, untill committing to overcome. Consistency is very important when you are determined. Direction is also an important...

Love is one of the paradoxes we keep on untackling. We loose everytime we fight the feeling. Meanings could be different, with love. Being in love could take you higher, sometimes away from being you. To keep intact of reality, to measure all other angles, to become wise enough to balance the truth. For whatever height you have reached, you 'll still maintain the lowest point. This is because love promises nothing, but the unforgotten. For whatever courage, truth or maybe justice you will be holding you 'll still have to fight down ego. With ego and love, something has to die to allow the other to survive. Ego can envelope all the truth, all the beauty, and the transparent emotion. With ego you will only be fighting the demons inside your head. For love can only flourish away from egocentrism and lies, and yet we fail so many times whence maintaining the balance of both trade. To love someone you have to let go all ego battles, to stand with a bare hand and feet on a naked...

I dont know where to begin now. Today at this point I am clueless, I ve written something a while back whence everything was in chaotic mood. I still feel lost sometimes, driving through a limbo I see myself. I try to concentrate though i fail to find my midpoint. Nothing is mattering now, I repeat a prayer, I focus a little bit , and loose it all over again. This has been happening for a while now, moving into swirl of black emotions. I remember, I was like that since 10 years back from now or maybe 15. I think I ve gone through alot that with each time, I helped myself back on track, i loose myself all again..... Maria started writing again, jotting her thoughts in a  journal she keeps by her bedside. Each night she writes a little before her pen falls down, as she slips into deep sleep. She dreams everyday, she is in a little boat made of cotton candy, above the 7th sky she swirls with the wind. She smiles, a comfort inside her grows every day a little. Hope inside her find...

Sometimes, its very easy to run into denial. An easy way out from chaos. Somewhere, where you can be anyone except yourself. Something we all do when we cant find answers or cant face the fear inside. All we do is hide rather than face things, and sleep rather than tackle those things as they come our way. Denying one self is one big thing we perfect as we walk through life. Fearing that if we face up with reality, we might loose something in between. But the  one thing we end up loosing is ourselves. Losing oneself is finding a way in between to satisfy everyone except YOURSELF. As we live among everyone else, we grow up accepting everything everyone is loving. The fear of  not matching the norm, of standing out, of being so different in a look alike community. The fear of being yourself. The fear of asking your self rather than hiding from all the answers. The fear of being labeled odd, different or bad. The fear of being a rebel, and a thriver on dif...

It started one dark night. Maria was suffering from a broken heart.She was lifeless, helpless and completely hopeless.She thought time have stopped when she had lost it all. Life's moments seemed so faraway. She wondered where was this hidding all. "I was  happy once.  Daddy's favorite girl, rich, lucky and above all got the whole world in my hands,She said! She met him inside her darkness- she couldnt recall the time or even the month. But she knew another chapter is yet to begin. Though, this time she has lost her compass. She knew deep down she was lost. And when you are lost you tend to hold on to anyone just to get out to the shore. She knew that from now on- Maria is  totally a different person. She was so heavy- carrying bags of memories and a heavy burden on her shoulders. She slouch when she walks. She dress all in black. And  find excuses to stay alone for so many hours- even days. Maria stopped talking to anyone- even her mother~ Maria st...

Her eyes were opened to the truth. Behind her, fell all meanings and infront of her hid all the truth. She was in doubt, in constant doubt of the truth. To follow or to rebel, to obey or to dismiss, to talk or to keep quiet. She started knowing what was behind a smile- a wicked eye or a sinful soul. She said she will fight from now on- she will thrive to be herself whether with or without a plural tense. She drew wings for her dreams to fly, from the window she always look from. Her heart was singing a song, from where she always used to live by.. She drew her wings, with heart of so many things. She knew that  her open kind heart, was her only sin ~ It took her time to heal those ugly stings- hurting the colors of her beautiful wings. Everyone admired and stared with a desire ~  We always envy the other, without paying attention to what the other person could face or feel or even suffer from. The desire to have what others have is an aim.

She touched the cold glass behind her weak hand, she admired repeatdly. The sanity she still has, and all doubts have gone. She managed to look again for pens, papers were oftenly laid ahead. Got her bags ready for tomorrow. She caught another sight of him- maybe it wasnt real or maybe the head started the game, again! She knew that from now on, she has to rely on herself, not that she was abondend. But a belief inside her grew so much bigger. She started to see things differently this time. People faces fell behind, around the corner they were brushed aside. Nothing really was important, not that she had placed a lot of emphasis on. No one really cared!  She packed her heart inside a box to protect it from the mess. She saved the moments, maybe alot of moments from everyone. She would always observe before talking back or respond. Elegantly demure she would share her mini snacks with beggers, she believed in the power of love, and human .. She never anticipated nor pr...

Every early morning she blew a heart on the little window  beside her bed. Weather was cold, like every other day. She remembered she had this habit when she was five or ten. She would always blew her dreams every morning, say a prayer and kiss them goodbye. A belief she has learned from her mother. Today at 60, she still send her wishes and dreams seal them with a kiss and a smiling heart~ ****** A very well known "holly man" of a nearby town. Early morning at four he is awake to battle away his disease with  the "morning prayer". He never waned to go, neither sickess stopped him from walking long distances to the "mosque". At 4:00 he splash some cold water into his weak body and stride ardently with pride. A hardly gone habit from his mind ~ ****** She smiled at the letters she have received- admired patiently at the carved envelops, to the touch of papers and cards against her skin. Things she had always treasured. She kept the letters inside ...

She drew a line on the papers she held at hand. She hid her letters from the prying eyes. A straight line of where she will land into the space she has dreamt to be. Away and yet so attached. Every string was tangling her thoughts, every corner was attached with a memory. She had hopes to unleash all, and find another space to start anew. At four, her mother taught her how to look into the mirror and admiringly snaps at everyone else. Mother taught her that she was the only important person, and everyone else doesnt count. She taught her how to be proud, prideful and so conceited. She taught her how to dress elegantly and admire her figure on the reflection of everything, especially eyes! She fought her place in nowhere land, she was arrogant, aggressive and so much glamorous. She hanged everyone . Basically, enemies existed only inside her head. At six, she managed to learn how to blow her birthday's ballons. Mother was keen to teach her everything, so tha...

She pulled a robe from a will, thats what she used to do every night when all go to sleep. Late at night when she was away, she pulled out so many strings, she said she was repairing them, maybe tidying them, or else she thought she had lost. She started writing, so many things she had on mind. She knew that with writing she could pave many roads to where she aspires to land. Meanings, and maybe more of realities she have hid or tried to untie. Faces covered with so many layers, hidden from the sun. Groomed so perfectly. Beautiful as it could be. Words sweet as sugar, and so she fought to be. At 18, she dreamed of so many bubbles to enclose her in a mystery. She loved untackling puzzles, games she'd thought she could master. She decided that she'd choose from now on, even her thoughts or wishes. Choosing is part of our destiney.  Whatever you choose, or tend to think of, or feel you attract. Maria, has choosen to be, and when she decided, she walked on the...

She unraveled many layers, throughout the time she shared with others.She was one side, of a moon so many phases.She stood every night infront of the mirror facing the truth. One layer after the other, she commenced her journey. She was sure, and yet unsure of many facades. She knew that life teaches lessons, some are free and many are hard to forget. She found pleasure in pain, and from that she took a pledge to unravel reality infront of herself, first. Learning and facing the truth takes you indepth of any circumstances. The reality of being aware of yourself, and every other matter surrounding you, teaches one simple thing, which is "modesty". To be humble enough to face and take strides toward life, and courage to battle hurdle and pain. What is life direction? - do we tend to follow the herd- or stand in the face of adversity. Do we stand for our own right or tend to be like all the others. Do we ask ourselves- What do we want from life- or follow what our friend...

We all seem to crave things, and yet we fail to claim. However, how destiny fondle with our dreams, we tend to loose the spirit. At the beginning, the dream is so enthused with ardor that with time the shine faze out into a brittle reality. As we age, our dreams adjust painfully into the given circumstances. This is how we come face to face with life. Every chance is briddled with a little bit of everything. Many do consider the consequences of  every chance and the lesson behind every pain. " Maria- wasnt sure of her decision- but knew that life is all about risk and chances" Saying yes is one of the most important thing- and yet she had her other leg into abyss" Alone- away and strikingly thwarted, she had to face all by herself. It wasnt at all fancy, beautiful or even colorful. Every new step, she learned another side of a story. Happy was it sad- she gathered pieces- say alot of these pieces to fix another face she never knew would exist ~ Maria wasnt bad...

She wondered, this is when she started drawing cubes and arrows on a white lined paper. She drew different angles and shapes, ended her lines with so much care. Away from the noise, she cornered her emotions inside big boxes. Away from every prying eyes. The pain has settled , the bitter taste after every defeat- she hang up her heart under the sun. She seeked warmth- hanged all her hopes in lines. She carried her pain every day, on a shoulder dumbed with heavy promises. She walked -she seemed so happy- smiling again and again at everyone's sight. She hid her eyes away from the crowd with a big heavly dimmed googles. She lived inside a cocoon built from beautiful dreams. She lived with hopes and good deeds to share- she tried with all to be an idealist- yes she was. She even battled herself to be- and not to submit or resort to sneaky ways. "Solace" - she shouted this time!, people only thrive and love those who deceive, hurt or even lie- she cried. Where i...

Dear Sandy, Today I wrote one big letter, supposedly it was from a misfortunate girl. I wrote inside the need to breath in reality again into my dreams. The Hope of so many nights to meet you in person was not enough to bring you in real, to my life. I am today, who I am, walking in an endless road paved with  patience and trust. I know my words sound so vague, but when you come to see me next time you will be proud! She was always the kind of girl you will consider calm and quiet. She had hopes of endless dreams. She dreamt, and thats when she felt she could be bigger, even happier. She wondered, this is where she felt she was something, other than the routine she handled. She knew, life has another angle to consider. Another perspective is hiding somewhere on the edge of her mind. Anything but the normal, she always recalled and prayed from her heart. She escaped the oppression by voicing out, every now and then. She remembered she will battle till there is no ...

I decided to flip one page after the other in this book I hold at hand, decided to fetch for answers, maybe I wasnt sure enough of the answers, or maybe I decided to look into the lines! Looking from my window into the streets of the unknown, near the lake  I sat looking down the many reflections, played gently with the echoing waves~ a petal from nowhere fell on the service, crying the baby who never came back!~ Lefting another leave from the floor, I stepped into others, crushing down all regrets. Nothing could bring back your stolen moments, not even a pray. What was yesterday remains within the book. Whatever you ve got now just invest! Havent decided yet, into another glory I swim. This time I took off all tarnish~ nothing left like before. Gazing back from my window- I smiled at the sight of a little girl riding her bicycle, she hang a flower on her hair~ singing down miracles~ "Embrace your life just like a little girl, with no worries" #hopes#live...

Weird how things pile up inside us that we sometimes forget how to tidy all the cripple. I never knew how things will end up, or where I will find myself, just when you take life forgranted. Maybe I was so immersed inside myself , that I couldnt believe something other than the normal could happen! I guess, I was looking deep into nowhere, so deep that whatever passes  my eyes was not worth any attention..! I woke up one night when everything have settled down, not even for the whispering birds extending there wings, anymore. That night it was pitch dark, I guess I was too late, even when you repent, you cant just get it back! Inside that box of where all the faces lay inside, I collected a bunch of trails, guess the stories were stitched with dust, once you blow them they vanish into air. Or maybe the dolls I ve never took care of, they sat for years in one place, eyes were starring up the ceiling, maybe in hope for a future, but there was none. For those little ...

I started my line, right after they blew the trumpets on the arrival of 2016. I was wondering what could be new this year, other than the past. What else could be so amazingly different, something that will stirr away excitment. I knew that I was the only person who could stirr the change, and bring something of different dimension into my horizon. I knew I was capable enough to reflect back on my timeline. We all know so many things, sometimes we just know what could bring our happiness and yet we procrastinate the action from happening. For the fact that change could alter so many things in your life, could challenge you to become your best version, could take you on a journey of depth and knowledge and yet we delay the process from happening. This year, I was hesitant to write my resolution cause I kept on failing the other times when I prompted myself to do so. I wasnt sure what I would promise myself, and yet fail to fulfill that. I looked up this time to the space where ...

I woke up again from a memory of despair.Inside the timeline, my child that I carried day and night, I saw down the memories carrying so much pain. I knew I was still stuck inside time , I raise an eye to the sky, and pray.  I ask the lord to vanish all the sorrow. Life became a heavy burden to carry. Walking alone again was unbearable. Alone, my arms ache of the loss, there where a child used to lay, the pain inside my eyes grew like never I thought it would be easy,asked the lord to make me forget, to put me in amnesia, to delete all from my memory, so that my brain hold nothing except 0 and 1. I knew this was impossible, I knew that I had to learn how to forget, to fight the feeling, to fight her sight, to struggle my fights to fall a sleep. Even sleeping became hard to when I used to sleep for hours, now i only fall asleep for 3 minutes and wake up in dismay. I look up again to the ceiling, trying to figure out another positive scenorio, but again i retur...